I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
