Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
