it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
