I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize