just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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