Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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