i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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