I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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