so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
