I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
