WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
