2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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