Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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