Just fell off a train. Bad.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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