you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
