the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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