Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
