i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
