i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
