i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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