So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
