We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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