roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
