so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
