I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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