and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
