Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
