if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
