She announced her abortion via fbk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
