I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
