And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
