Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
