apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
