She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
