Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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