I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
