ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
