I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
