I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
