Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
