How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
