Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
