i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
