I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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