There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
