I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
