Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
