note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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