That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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