when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
