his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You are a genius and a whore.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
