you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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