She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
