yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
