I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
