I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
