when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
