I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
