Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
