Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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