Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
