i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
