and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
