But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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