Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
